


What's Wrong With What I Said?

by IckyIcky



Category: NeoScum (Podcast), Shadowrun
Genre: Dak is bisexual but he doesn't know what that word means, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied Addiction, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Sex Work, Past Sexual Assault, Pox loves her friends so much but doesn't know how to express it, Pox's Perspective, Questioning Sexuality, Talking, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, lots of talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:48:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IckyIcky/pseuds/IckyIcky
Summary: “Oh I’m not queer.” Dak said.In an instant everyone’s head whipped around to look at the trucker in utter confusion. Pox didn’t know what fresh bullshit Dak was on now, but she had never met a man who was so open about the adventures his ass had been on.---Pox is stuck in Xanadu for 12 hours with her three dickhead friends again.
Relationships: Tech Wizard | Squirt Purpler/Dak Rambo
Kudos: 16





	What's Wrong With What I Said?

**Author's Note:**

> CW: vague flashbacks to abuse, vague flashbacks to sexual assault, panic attacks, mention of sex work, implied alcohol and drug addiction, dissociative episode, non-negative use of the word queer  
> (This isn't as sad as it looks they just talk about a lot of stuff)
> 
> I was on episode 25 when I started writing this but, it doesn't actually fit into the canon timeline because they never sleep.

Xanadu was driving down the I-90-whateverthefuck and Pox was sweating her tits off and bored as shit. The AC in the truck was shot from their last battle and they had been driving on the same highway for close to 6 hours. She had one werther's original, one dirt flavored jelly bean, and one lime flavored jelly bean in her mouth. She had been passing the time by seeing what different flavors she could make with the candy in her pockets. She already knew 2 vanilla jelly beans with 3 orange jelly beans was the best, though. Her cargo shorts were sticky with leg sweat and candy wrappers. Pox was nineteen, but her parents never let her have candy when she was a kid so godmanit she was going to make up for lost time.  _ I wonder what flavor jelly beans Pandora would like? Should I save one of each flavor for her?  _ Pox’s thoughts were interrupted by one of Z’s reminder alarms go off. She turned to look at the decker next to her in the back seat. 

“Tech!” he called to the wizard riding shotgun. “Remember to take your t-shot!”

“Ah shit’ Tech replied lethargically, wiping his brow. 

Dak looked over at Tech from the driver's seat. “You want me to pull over buddy?” 

“No, I’ve done it enough times in the truck to know what I’m doing.” 

Tech clumsily took off the boxer briefs that were under his wizard robes and hiked the stained robes over his butt. 

Dak whistled and Z teasingly said “Woah take us out to dinner first!”

“Hey don’t look okay! It’s hard enough to stick a needle in your ass without the added pressure.”

Everyone obliged by looking away. The truck cabin they were all trapped in, which did not smell good to begin with, was starting to smell worse and worse as all four of their body odor compounded on eachother. Pox leaned her head toward the window to try and inhale more of the asphalt smell from the highway. 

“Ow fuck,” Pox heard Tech whisper. 

“You good?” She asked, still looking away. Living in a truck didn’t allow for much privacy and she was hoping to go one day without accidently seeing one of her friend’s penises. She knew bottom surgery was a big thing for Tech and she was happy for him. That didn’t mean she had to be happy about seeing the 35 year old man’s designer dick.

“Yeah I got it.” Tech replied. 

Pox fished out a box of Hello Kitty BandAids from one of her many pockets and tossed it to Tech. She knew they were his favorite to use.

“Aww thank you.” he replied sweetly.

“Guess I should take my tittie skittles too,” Pox groaned. One of the jelly beans fell out of her mouth.

She swallowed what was left of the other jelly bean and the werther’s original and took out her spiro and estrogen from their designated pocket. She shook them out from their bottle into her sweaty hand. She held her reflex to gag from the smell coming from the open spiro bottle. 

“I wish they tasted like actual skittles,” she muttered spitefully at the bitter pills.

“Here you can wash it down with this.” Z threw her a can of whip cream from the back seat mini fridge. 

Pox’s eyes lit up with excitement as she grabbed the cold container with her other sweaty hand. She popped the pills in her mouth, tilted her head back, and guzzled down the sweet cream feeling like a decadent bitch. Pox gasped forgetting to take in air while she chugged down the whip cream. 

“You have to breathe.” Z reminded her.

“You are the one true cishet ally to queer people.” Pox said, staring directly at him. 

“Waoh, you're making a lot of assumptions about Z aren’t you?” Tech said truing around to face Pox and Z from behind the front seat. Sweet drops dripping from his hair when he did. 

Pox felt a pang of guilt realizing she had not a single fuck of an idea how Z identified.  _ Why am I so bad at this? _ She was still getting used to having friends she sincerely cared about and extensively how to be more considerate toward people. 

“Ah yeah. Sorry Z, I guess we’ve never actually talked about it before?” She turned to Z expecting him to look kind of pissed at her but, he just had on his usual slightly bored expression. 

“It’s fine.” He shrugged. “ I honestly don’t know myself. I have no idea who I was, or who I liked before I forgot everything. You can call me whatever because for all I know it could be true.” The bright sun started to reflect off the metal parts of his body and Pox had to squint to look at him. 

“Well bother, if there’s anything you wanna be called you just let us know” Dak said, reaching his arm around to give him a pat on the shoulder while keeping his surgically installed cat eyes on the road. 

“Yeah!” Pox and Tech added enthusiastically. 

Z doged the middle age trucker’s hand which had some brown wet stuff on it. He then shifted in his seat awkwardly without responding to any of them. Pox had noticed Z acted like this when anyone was being genuinely nice to him. It was fun to see him embarrassed, Z had a boyish face and couldn’t be a year or two older then Pox but, he always seemed so much more put together then everyone else in the truck. She liked it when he had moments of revealing he was just as awkward as the rest of them. Pox gave him a friendly punch in the arm to get him to be more relaxed. 

“Hell yeah! The four of us are like the fuck’n queer dream team or some shit!” She yelled excitedly. 

“Oh I’m not queer.” Dak said. 

In an instant everyone’s head whipped around to look at the trucker in utter confusion. Pox didn’t know what fresh bullshit Dak was on now but she had never met a man who was so open about the adventures his ass had been on. 

“Gee Dak is one of these compartments a closet.” Z muttered, teasingly looking through the back seat compartments. 

“Hey now I -” Dak was cut off.

“I’m sitting on one of your dick magazines right now!” Pox whipped out a magazine that features a delicious snack of a man in boxer shorts on the cover which read ‘Bear Country’”.

“Hey careful with that! It’s a vintage issue! Listen, I’m not ‘in the closet’. I ain’t embarrassed to say I like dick.” 

“I actually wish you were more embarrassed,” Pox said, deeply wishing she knew less of her friend's sexual history. 

Dak seemed to not notice she had said anything and continued to justify himself. 

“I just don’t think I’m a queer.” 

Pox felt herself getting a migraine trying to understand.

“So you only like women though?” Z asked. “Like you like dick, but only on women?”

_ That’s definitely not true,  _ Pox thought to herself, the magazine full of naked men still sticking to her hand.

“Nah dude. I like boy dick, girl dick, pussy, bussy, and nonbinary bits.” 

Pox reflexively hit Dak on the back of his head with the sexy magazine. “You're never allowed to say girl dick again.” 

“Ow! Alright, alright!” 

“So your Bi or Pan?” Z asked, his voice beginning to sound desperate for an answer that made any logical sense. 

“Nah. I already said I ain’t a queer.”

“Dak, what the hell.” The seriousness in Tech’s voice was sudden. 

Pox looked into the rearview mirror and saw that Tech’s face was red. He was mad. 

Dak turned to look at Tech, whipping wet bangs from his face as he did. “Hey, don’t look at me like that. What’s wrong with what I said?”

“I think you have a certain  _ friend  _ who might have some questions about that statement,” Tech answered.

“I don’t see why sleeping with my  _ friend _ makes me gay.” 

“Maybe because your  _ FRIEND  _ is a MAN!” Tech yelled surprising Pox. 

“Unless you don’t see him that way.” Tech looked straight at Dak. 

Dak’s face softened and he opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by a loud crunching sound coming from Pox’s mouth. The two older men turned around and caught Pox and Z eating popcorn. 

“Where’d you get popcorn?” Tech asked. 

“Popcorn compartment.” Z said, pointing at Xanadu’s popcorn compartment. “We snack on it while we eavesdrop on you two having lovers quarrels.”

Tech’s face turned even redder. 

“Don’t tell them!” Pox hit Z on the shoulder. “Sometimes they’re the only thing entertaining on these 12 hour truck rides.” 

“Woah woah, me and Tech ain’t fuckin’ or anything, no, no. We’re talking about a totally different… uh… mutual friend of ours.” Dak said, obviously lying. “Also, pass me some of that popcorn will you?” 

“Dude, we totally know you guys are boning.” 

“Z!” Pox hit him again wanting to savor the one thing interesting that had happened on this drive.

Dak reached his hand back to grab the salty, buttery corn and shove a big handful in his mouth. 

“Dak, just forget it.” Tech slumped down into the stained white leather seat. 

Pox was about to hit Z again for ending the drama, but Z put a finger up indicating to her to hold on for a little longer. 

“Now just one minute.” Dak said to Tech, sticky popcorn cascading from his mouth. “ I get the feeling that you were implying something about how I see my  _ friend. _ ” Tech slumped further into his seat. “And I’d like to say he’s one to talk since  _ he’s _ railing my ass, and  _ he _ ain’t identifying as bisexual either.” Pox and Z began munching on popcorn again. “And  _ he’s  _ the one who wants to keep it a secret.” 

“I’m still figuring stuff out!” Tech yelled. “I mean… the  _ friend  _ is…” 

“Isn’t the friend like 35?” Pox asked from the back teasingly. 

“Yeah, well maybe the friend hasn’t had a lot of time to think about these things since a lot of his life was swallowed up trying not to get killed for being a magic user!” Tech replied sharply looking on the verge of tears.  _ Goddamnit! I forgot to be considerate and shit again. I didn’t mean to hurt him.  _ “And maybe he never even thought someone would ever want to be with him so what's the point?”  _ Why did I hurt him? Why am I so difficult? _ “And maybe he still can't take his shirt off comfortably.”  _ I’m like my parents. _ “And maybe-” 

“Ok back to Dak time,” Dak said, cutting off Tech’s spiral. “ I don’t see why how I identify makes a difference on how I see my friend?” 

“It’s not about how you identify!” the wizard yelled. “ I just- your friend doesn’t want to be seen as… just something exotic for you to fuck.” 

Z looked at Pox in confusion, but she knew what Tech was talking about. In her old bougie life there were several trust fund fuckboys who had chased after her dick. She remembered lavish balls, uncomfortable dresses, the sickly smell of overpriced cologne, disgustingly soft hand sliding up uncomfortable dresses, a man whispering  _ “ I like a woman who’s got it all.” _ The same man turning to his friends and saying,  _ “Me? Go after her? Fuck you man, I’m not gay.” _ Dad saying  _ “Well I mean really what can you expect sweety.” _

_ “I love you, but you're a hard pill to swallow.” _

_ “I can protect you.” _

_ “Why aren’t you grateful?” _

_ “Your a selfish girl” _

_ Why am I so difficult? _

She closed her eyes tight, tapped her chest three times and opened her eyes to her friend Z. He was sweaty and eating popcorn, still focused on the conversation going on in the front seat. 

“Hey, I don’t really know what you're on about but, I’ve never seen you as anything other than a handsome MAN who's got a big heart, and a smile that could melt a polar bear.” 

The two older men looked at each other tenderly for a minute.

“You mean your friend.” Tech corrected him softly. 

“Yeah, my friend.” Dak replied both still holding the tender gaze as Xanadu swerved back and forth from Dak not looking at the road. 

_ God they're so weird.  _ But the romantic in Pox found the encounter touching. She let out a loud “Awww!” Some wet popcorn bits flew out of her mouth as she did. 

Tech turned away in embarrassment and Dak put his cat eyes back on the road. 

“Ok yes, you are both very cute but, Dak if you like men why do you identify as straight?” Z asked his hands open and begging for an answer.

“Woah I never said I was 100% straight.” Dak scratched at his stubbled chin. “I just don’t think of things like that. I’m just an equal opportunity horn dog. There ain’t nothing ole Dak won't put his dick in or his ass on. But that’s all it is, fuckin’. I ain’t never gonna get married or nothing at this point.” Dak caught Pox and Z’s confused expression in the rearview mirror. “Ok listen.” Dak was starting to sound exasperated. “Tech and Pox ya’ll are queer. You have the balls to everyday to live as who you are and it’s fucking beautiful man.” Pox felt her face get hot. “And I know you both had to go through some hard shit and you fought through it like badasses!” This was the first time Pox had ever had someone talk about her being queer in that way. “And I’m damn proud to know both of you, but me?” Dak pointed at himself “I just fuck a lot of people.” 

Pox felt sweat drip down her neck. She had never thought of being queer as something to be proud of. Especially transitioning, that was more just like a necessary thing she had to do, like taking medicine when you're sick. But fuck, it felt good for someone to be _ proud _ . She looked over at Tech who gave her a nervous shrug.  _ Have people been proud of you before? _ She wondered.  _ Do you feel proud of yourself? Why am I so difficult? _

“But like…” Z interrupted her thoughts. “You have to realize that the discrimination around queer sexualities revolves mostly around who you can and can’t fuck.”

“It does?” Dak asked. 

“Yeah dude! That shit used to be super illegal. Like, get you killed illegal. And there's still people who like it to be that way.” Z put a heavy emphasis on his words. “Especially if you're a magic user. A gay magic user’s life span on average is like 2/3ds the regular life span because so many people want them dead.” 

Pox hadn’t actually known that last fact. Pox looked over to Tech again through the rearview mirror. The truck was still hot as balls but his face had gone pale. She figured he hadn’t known that either. 

“But I ain’t a magic user.” 

“No that’s not what I’m saying,” Z said rubbing his temple. “I’m saying it’s also a brave thing to go out and fuck who ever you like even if you too stupid to realize that.” 

Z and Dak kept talking but Pox was focused on trying to figure out something comforting to say to Tech.  _ He’s scared and when he’s scared he-  _ Tech reached for a warm can of bear that was under the dash board.  _ Shit. I’m too late.  _ Tech had been reaching for alcohol a lot lately, as well as other substances that where hidden in Dak’s compartment’s here and there. Dak and Z’s conversation sounded like it was heating up but Pox ignored them as Tech took a sip of beer. Why couldn't she be there for people when they needed her? Why was she always one step away? Why couldn’t she have saved Tech sooner? Why couldn’t she have saved Pandora sooner? 

“Sometimes I didn’t even want to have sex with the people I did it with.” 

Pox whipped her attention to Dak. Did she misheard him? Could he really be saying such a serious statement in such a relaxed tone?

“Woah, woah, Dak.” Tech looked at his friend with concern, but Dak kept his eyes on the road. “Are you saying that…” Tech trailed off. 

“Now I know what your thinkin’, and no. I wasn’t ‘taken advantage of’,” Dak said, avoiding the word that was on everyone’s mind. “Just sometimes you get put in situations you don’t want to be in.” Dak rolled one of his shoulders while keeping one hand on the wheel. “Especially when you're hungry.” He gave a casual chuckle to himself, in a familiar Dak fashion. “Anyway, some nice orc’s taught me the ropes about being safer about that kind of stuff and I didn’t really have problems after that. I was being young and stupid honestly.” Dak smiled as if he was reviewing a found memory. Pox knew her friend had been a sex worker before trucking but, he’d always talked about it so casualty that she’d never thought he’d been in  _ that _ kind of situation. There was a suffocating pause in the humid truck. Pox looked at Z and Tech for what to say but, they both just looked back at her dumbly. Dak didn’t seem to notice and continued the previous conversation he and Z were having. 

“I thought being queer was like a cultural thing. Like, Pox, your a real bisexual.” 

“I’m a what now?” Pox raised her eyebrows.  _ I swear I never know whether to give this man a hug or punch him in the face.  _

“You were a part of that bougie city lifestyle. Meanwhile I was raised by sasquatches in the mountains.”

“I… I’m… I was… what?” Pox struggled to find words. 

“Like, I imagine you would sit around with other bougie intelectuals and talk about queer philosphy, go to wierd queer parties, and other cool shit.”  _ What in the fucking hell?  _ “I imagine you where raised around queer culture and stuff on account of your fateher.” 

“My father is an abuser!” Pox yelled feeling sweat drip from her hair as something inside her went feral. 

“Hey Pox I didn’t-” Dak sounded apologetic, but Pox did not care. 

“No! Shut up. Shut up for just one minute Dak.” Pox ordered.

Dak obliged. 

“That shit you're talking about?”

“ _ I love you, but…” _

_ “ _ About how being queer or bisexual is a cultureal bougie thing?” 

_ “you're a hard pill to swallow.” _

“That’s a fucking trick created by these corporations.” Pox could feel her blood boiling.

“ _ If we don’t hire the police who will keep them in line?”  _

“They create all this media that you see and hear that shows poor and rural areas being ‘intolerable’ and rich city areas as ‘progressive’ and ‘gay friendly.’”

“ _ If we cover that kind surgery how will we make a profit?”  _

“So that rich gays think that their morally above poor people and poor straights associate queer people as rich and then start thinking that queer people are thier opressor.” Pox gasped for air and felt her tank top cling to her chest with sweat. __

_ “They should be grateful. We protect them.”  _

Z patted her back and reminded her to breathe. “When in actuality, these corporations, like the one my family owns, are the ones fucking us all over.” Pox breathed. 

_ “You're a selfish girl.” _

“Being queer, or gay, or trans, or bi, has nothing to do with culture or how much bullshit you go through.” 

_ “I can protect you.”  _

“There just descriptors for your gender or who you want to fuck or whatever.” 

_ “Why aren’t you grateful?” _

“Corporations want to hide that so that everyone is distracted from the fact that  _ they  _ controle healthcare so  _ they _ are the reason trans people can’t transition, and that  _ they _ are the ones hiring the police so  _ they _ are the reason gay people get persicuted more heavily and a bunch of other shit!” Pox gasped again.  _ I hate my Father.  _ “Dak, the definition of bisexuality is liking more than one gender. Does that sound like you?” 

Dak was quiet.  _ Fuck did I forget to be considerate again?  _ Tech and Z where staring right at her.  _ God I’m being an asshole aren’t I? I’m selfish and I’m difficult. _

“Damn. Is all that true?” Dak asked. 

“YES!” Pox yelled “My Parents… they would… whenever I would try to leave or get away from them they’d tell me people… people like you Dak, would kill me.”

_ “You act like I’m the villain in your life when you’re the one whos a mess. Do you even realize how good you have it?”  _

Dak looked at her though the mirror with concern, “Pox, I would never-” 

_ “I love you so much. Just do what I say and everything will be alright.”  _

“I know Dak! Trust me I know… just…”

_ “I’ll always bring you back home.” _

“You don’t have to identify any specific way, just don’t fall for that corporate crap Dak.”

Dak looked at her and nodded.  _ Fuck! I’m so bad at this. What am I even trying to do? What am I even trying to say?  _ There was a long pause of everyone looking out the window not saying anything. Pox gripped tight on her sticky legs wishing she hadn’t said anything.  _ I’m so difficult. These are my only friends in the whole world and I can’t even talk to them correctly. They’re all I have. Why can’t I be good to them? Will they kick me out of the truck? What will I do then? Where-  _ Z put on some of his weird ass techno noise click penis music. Tech finished his beer and went for another while also pulling out his com. Dak started loudly telling a story about the last time he was on this highway. Pox popped some jelly beans covered with pocket lint into her mouth. After a few songs Tech apologized to Pox for spiraling at her. She accepted the apology by patting his greasy head. After another few songs Tech had advanced to 3 candy hearts with Gregory Caramel Covered Chocolate. Pox and the guys all began debating what Candy Crush boys were the cutest. 

The sun set but the night air was still thick and hot. Dak informed them of a motel on the highway they could stay. Pox was so ready to sleep in an actual bed. Dak parked Xanadue outside the motel. 

“Hey, guys,” Dak said, “This might sound crazy, but, I think I’m bisexual.” 

Z put his face in one hand and reached out the other to pat Dak on the back. 

“Aw that’s great man, I’m glad you’ve learned that about yourself.” Tech said slurring his words slightly. He also put a hand on Dak’s shoulder. Pox quickly got out of the car.  _ What an idiot. Should I be happy for him? Why am I pissed?  _

“Pox? You ok?” She heard Tech calling for her from inside the Truck. 

Pox kicked Xanadu’s tire in frustration. __

Pox was able to steal a bag of gummy worms from the broken motel vending machine. The rooms smelled a little bit better than Xanadu, but had just as many mysterious stains. Pox liked it best when they could all sleep in the same space. She figured the guys liked it that way too. But, the rooms were barely big enough for 2 people with one on the bed and one on the floor on a cot. Z and Pox claimed the room with the least stains while Dak and Tech stayed in the room next door. The rooms were chilly from the cranked up AC. The mechenical smell of the AC covered up some of the piss and weed smell coating the room. She and Z sat down in front of the machine shoulder to shoulder. It freezed all the sweet that was drenching Pox’s sticky body. The consistent brrrr sound lulled her. She scarfed down a couple gummy worms and tried to unclench her muscles. She heard a loud thump from the next room followed by muffled yelling. She couldn’t tell if they were arguing or not. 

“Should we see what’s going on?” She asked lazily.

“I think we might not want to see what's going on,” Z replied. 

“Ew, gross, your right.” Pox paused for a moment. The muffled sounds had stopped. “Do you think that they’ll ever admit that they're in love?” 

“Nah. I don’t think they really feel that way.” 

Pox turned Z, disheartened. Z looked over at her and seemed to catch the disappointment on her face.

“I mean I think they care about each other and love each other in a way,” He explained. “But I think it's in a friend way. A friends who fuck way. Like could you really see them getting married?” 

“No.” Pox lied, too embarrassed to admit she had imagined being both of their best men while dual wielding pieces of wedding cake. The happy image violently crumbled.  _ God I’m so stupid. Did I really expect that?  _

“We’re not gonna end up like them right Z?” He had crushed her wedding cake dreams so he owed her some comfort about the future at least.

“We’re not gonna end up friends with benefits?” Z asked in confusion. 

“No!” Pox punched Z in the arm hard. 

“Ow! I wasn’t suggesting anything!” 

“I know,” she sighed. “I meant that they’re just so… lost.” 

Z raised an eyebrow. 

“O.K. I love Tech and Dak. Their dickheads but, their some of the best people I’ve ever met.” Pox tried to find the best way to phrase things. “But, Dak didn’t know his sexuality till today, Tech  _ still  _ doesn’t know. Shouldn’t they understand more about themselves? I mean they’re like twice our age.” Shouldn’t they be smarter? They’re some of the only people who would protect Pox from her father. They’re some of the only people she has.

_ “Well I mean really what can you expect sweety.” _

Z looked down at the floor and rubbed his neck with his hand. “I don’t know, I think it’s kinda nice that they’re still finding things out about themselves… even after all this time…” Z didn’t finish his sentence. He looked far off. He was motionless for a minute. This happened sometimes. 

“Z?” Pox asked her friend gently. “Zenith, are you there?”  _ Is he really just going to fucking leave me.  _ Z was gone. 

_ How could he just leave me? Am I really that difficult? What am I supposed to do?  _ Pox knew she just needed to wait but that didn’t stop her body from pumping her blood faster and filling her brian full of cortisol.  _ I’m all alone. _

_ “I’ll always bring you back home.” _

_ Fuck. What if my dad knows I’m here? These are my only friends. These are the only people in the world I have. Tech’s probably still drunk and Dak can’t get his head our of his ass to know what the fuck he’s doing and Z is just fucking gone.  _

_ “Do you even realize how good you have it?”  _

Z blinked a couple times and then turned to look at Pox. “Sorry, but, uh yeah I think they're fine.” 

Pox wanted so badly to stay calm but her friend’s absence had pushed her over the edge. 

“How could you think any of this is fine!?” 

Z looked at her in surprise. 

_ “You’re the one who’s a mess.” _

“They don’t know what the fuck thier doing, and neither do you, and I don’t fucking know either!” Pox quickly escalated into yelling.

“Waoh, woah, Pox-” Z was cut off. 

_ “Just do what I say and everything will be alright.” _

“I’m scared! Do you understand that Z? I’m scared all the fucking time. So is Tech. Dak  _ should  _ be! That’s our future Z. Look at them! Nothing is going to get better.” Pox gasped. 

_ “Well I mean really what can you expect sweety.” _

Z reminded her to breathe, putting a hand on her shoulder.  _ Fuck him. _ She ignored Z. 

“I ran away and I thought… I thought… I never thought past that. I never had the chance. I wanted a better life for me and my sister but is  _ this _ all I can promise her? Constantly running, constantly in danger, constantly on the verge of shitting yourself you're so scared of what will happen next?” Pox gasped again. 

“Pox, you have to-” 

_ “I’ll always bring you back home.” _

“You guys are all I have and you all don’t even know how to protect yourselfs. When it comes down to it how will you protect me? He propably knows where I am. He might be here right now. There’s no safety for me. I’m not safe. I’m not safe. I’m not safe.” Pox couldn’t stop repeating the words over and over. 

_ “I’ll always bring you back home.” _

Her sight went blurry and her skin went numb.  _ I’m too difficult.  _ She felt Z shaking her arm but only barely.  _ No one’s gonna protect me.  _ Tech and Dak were suddenly in the room.  _ It’s too hard to protect me.  _ She could make out mouths moving, but not words.  _ I have no one.  _

_ “I’ll always bring you back home.” _

_ I’m not safe. I’m not safe. I’m not safe. I’m not safe. I’m not-  _

“Pox!” She heard Tech’s voice boom. 

She closed her eyes tight, tapped her chest three times and opened her eyes to her friends Tech Wizard, Dak Rambo, and Zenith sitting around her. 

“Pox we’re not gonna let anyone take you.” Tech said softly. 

“I’d like to see them try!” Dak waved his gun around. 

“Pox your gonna be ok.” Z looked her in the eye. He was here and she knew he meant what he said. 

“Thank you.”

That night they all slept smushed togehter uncomfortably in one room, on the floor, in front of the AC. 

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to [ TheFableFolks ](https://twitter.com/TheFableFolks)and [ Ren](https://twitter.com/renmakes) for beta reading and encouraging me!


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